Im 29 and a single mom of a 10 yr old girl who thinks shes already a young adult and an 8 yr old boy-i have no financial support from anyone besides myself. I work full time and go to school 4 times a week evenings, but yet I can never seem to get ahead of the constant mountain which looms ahead with mortgage payments, condo fees, medical bills, school lunches, daycare providers, utility bills, grocieries, etc. It seems that no matter how hard I try with the constant late fines compiling and even attorney fees included at times, I can't get to where I should be. I want to give them a good life and am just tired at feeling that I suck. I just want to feel like I really can provide for my children as I see other children are being provided for. Any suggestions.....

I am 39 with 2 daughters that are 12 and 10. I don't get any support from my ex. I struggle everyday and I work 2 jobs. Their Dad buys all of the "fun" stuff (quads, trailer, pool,and anything they ever ask for)and I budget every little detail. I pay for the Dr., the dentist, the braces, shoes, socks, clothes, you know the not so exciting necessities. I get so resentful and jealous of it. Just tonight I took my daughter to her basketball practice that I take her to every week and make it to every game and her Dad decides to show up (he doesn't go to the practices or games) and he's the hero. I never show that it hurts in front of the girls (I usually cry silently in bed) and I never talk bad about their Dad to them. I feel like I will never get ahead and my personality is so different now. I used to be so outgoing and happy and now I worry all the time and seem bitter. I am always whining to my friends about this...but honestly don't know how to stop it...any suggestions from anyone would help. I feel like such a failure in life!!

Hello, My name is Ellen and I just stumbled into this place looking for some online support/connections with other single Moms. My kids are 18,14 and 11 and I have been raising them alone for 7 years. I can relate to all the posts here...there never seems to be enough time or money even though I have a profession...sick kids, teacher conferences, whatever lead to lost work time and, therefore, no money in that day. I remember when my kids were smaller and my sitter took home more than I did after paying her in the summer...Getting divorced was absolutely the right move for me though and I have no regrets.

Stress is a biggie for me...this morning, a day I planned to work and earn over 400 dollars...my daughter woke up sick. I had no choice but to take her to the doctor and didnt get to work until almost one. Then my son called and said he had to stay after school to make up a quiz...so, since I have no backup I had to elave work early and pick him up...and I work 45 minutes from the house. I earned very little today and I cope with restaining the urge to vent at the kids...which I dont do...but I guess I had to vent to someone...so thanks for listening

:-)

Ellen,

I am Lori, the 39 year old mother of the two girls who posted last night.We have all been there and yesterday was one of "those days" for me. Yep! I cried into the pillow last night. But today was a much better day.I just have to keep believing that in the long run...we will prevail. There is an entire generation of us women who are strong enough to do this on our own. Believe me, I lived my entire childhood with unhappy parents that thought that they were doing us a favor by "staying together for the children". We have left relationships that were destructive and believed in ourselves and proven that we will survive and thrive. Just keep your head up and know that tomorrow is a new day, but that when you need to vent or cry or scream...we are here for you! You may be lonely at times...but you will never be alone! Hope you have a great tomorrow!

I have had it up to here! I can't say it any other way!

Who would choose this path? What is success? Is it not going bankrupt? Is it not committing yourself or your children? I am serious!

I left an abusive marriage with a sociopath, and now in the aftermath, I must raise emotionally volatile children (with unstable gene pools) while I keep from going insane and selling my own skin to pay my bills.

And for those of you who don't work. Do! It is soooooo much easier than being a Mom....single or not!

Oh to be young again. I would vow celibacy, and scoff at suitors.

Hello, my name is Crystal and I'm 23 year old single mom with one girl, Chastlyn who's 3 and another baby expected in April. I actually came to this website doing research for a paper on working single moms (something I can relate to), and I wanted to know other's input on this: How do single working moms define themselves as a genre? Any opinions would be helpful! Thanks!

Crystal

Hi Everyone, I am so glad to even get the strength to go into my computer today. My name is Anabelle, I am 33 and a single mom of a 2 1/2yr. old little girl. I have been dealing with depression for all this time and day by day i just pray to find peace in my life. Every weekend i just lock myself up in bed for i am so exhausted and don't have much energy to do my chores or play with my daughter. I can't build a stable relationship as I need to be stable myself. I need to come to terms and understand that i am a single mom and all my previous plans of what i envisioned my life to be are different now. I have very little support here in NY and though I have my degree and job that pays well i still live check to check as most of my money goes to daycare. I pray i can find a source of learning to overcome my depression and be the happy person i use to be. My story may not be as extreme as some others but it is extreme enough for me. How do I cope? How do i get the energy to get out of bed and be happy and enjoy life with my daughter? I hope for hope that one day I can find peace with myself and be able to build a healthy loving relationship with myself, my daughter and future partner.

Glad to have found this page. I can understand what everyone is going through. It is extremely tough being a single mother. And it is not that we did it out of choice. But it was the better thing to do. Hope all of us find some peace sometime in life. Just got to hang in there.

i have had ALOT of issues of course always seem to revolve around money. There were times where I couldnt work because no one would watch my then 4, 2 and 1. I am a young mother and it was hard. Its true even with a profession there is the kids needs and "wants". No matter what you do and how much you work its NOT ENOUGH!!!!.... I started this business at home on the side with my other family members. It seemed to work well.. I have a little extra money. I dont think i'd quit and do this full time but it really does help!.. I am able to put in more money into my credit cards and actually save money for their college and emergency money.

Hello. My name is Carla I'm soon to be 25 and am striving to change things, however sometimes hitting a brick wall. I have a 3 soon to be 4 year old boy. He's great. Finances are terrible though. I feel like I'm going to lose. Everything may lose, not sure. My ex like most of the others here is not supportive with money. He's just a wanderer. I would love to have an e-mail friend. :) I live in WA and my e-mail is iamskookum@gmail.com

My name is Ashley, I am 24 years old and have a 3 month old, Jaylyn.  I dont know what to do, anymore.  My husband and I are seperated.  He took everything I had and left me with no money, no vehicle, no job, a 3 month old that I love dearly (he wants nothing to do with), and I am living at my parents house.  He wont come see his baby, his girlfriend is living in his house controlling him and he doesn't see anything wrong with this picture.  I can't seem to get a job no matter how many interviews I go on, if I can manage somehow to get someone to take me there and not to mention that when Jaylyn has a doctors appointment my mom has to take off work to take us.  I get food stamps but that doesnt go far, the TANF isnt enough, and WIC can only do so much, not to mention that child support (not that it will be enough) takes forever to get.  What is a person to do?  What are my options at this point?

I am a 42 year old single parent of a teenage son.  For the first time in my life, I'm starting to feel sorry for myself.  Not because I'm a single parent (have been for about 12 years), but because I'm a somewhat successful single parent that makes $80,000/year, has been consistently employed for almost 20 years and I CAN'T GET AN APARTMENT because of a credit report.  Somehow, I don't think that people are homeless because of a less than stellar credit report.  From the things I've seen over the years, people are homeless because they don't make enough money, are mentally unstable or are just simply unemployed.  Wait a minute, even the unemployed can qualify for some sort of program that will provide a roof over their head.  

Something is WRONG in AMERICA in 2008 when someone cannot obtain housing that they're willing and able to pay for because of a capitalist mechanism designed to separate the haves from the have mores.

Can anyone offer any advice or point me in the right direction as far as assistance is concerned?  I'm in the Maryland/DC area.

Is it normal for a single mother to want time away from her kids. I spend all the time with my kids and a lot of the time they make me feel like they do not want me. I have a son that's 4 and a daughter that is 2 and neither of them want to have anything to do with me. They don't mind me, even with disiplinary tactics. When i talk to them they act like i'm not even there. I'm at a loss i feel like i am fighting a losing battle.

I HATE BEING A SINGLE MOM,  I have never been so lonely in my entire life.. I have full custody and haven't had a date in god knows when,and i have no sitter to help me get out of this prison, i love my son, but this aloneness is killing my soul. i need to find other mom's in my area so we can watch each other's kids so we can have a life again

I HATE BEING A SINGLE MOM,  I have never been so lonely in my entire life.. I have full custody and haven't had a date in god knows when,and i have no sitter to help me get out of this prison, i love my son, but this aloneness is killing my soul. i need to find other mom's in my area so we can watch each other's kids so we can have a life again

My name is Jenine and I am new to this site. I wanted to cry and then cheer when I was reading some of those posts above.  EVERY SINGLE MOTHER out there who is busting her butt to provide for their kids should be proud of themselves. I have been doing this for seven years and I have lost so much but I have also GAINED so much and I also have two great teenage sons with whom I am very close.  So there are pluses but unfortunately it seems far and wide when we have them.  Support groups like this are very important. I also discovered that we are forgotten mothers of society.  As soon as people find out we are single moms, suddenly we are not good enough for the rest of the world because we are somewhat of a burden and a threat to wives WITH husbands. If they only knew how much we were NOT interested. Anyway, I am a former editor and publisher of an award winning literary journal (Which i had to stop publishing because of my situation and finances...still breaks my heart) but I decided to use what skills I have and help mothers like myself by publishing a book which I will call Forgotten Mothers. Please visit my site for more information, but in a nutshell I need YOU to help us tell our stories. It will be along the lines of Chicken Soup for the Soul but I also want to hear from the kids.  There will be a separate area in the book for the children. In the back of the book will be a resource area listing pro bono lawyer services, hot lines for moms to call, places to call in emergencies and anything else I can think of to help mothers.  Any one with helpful suggestions is sure to be included in the book as well. If I use your story, you'll receive a free copy.  My contact information is at my site (forgottonmothers.org) or you can email me: jenineb@optonline.net. PLEASE write. Write like you do on the blog boards...don't worry about grammar or anything like that. AM looking for GOOD stories, inspirational, sad, funny, happy, whatever your story is! Thank you.

Hi,

I am Miranda, I recently got to be a single mom.

I have a very hard time dealing with this. I am very angry, disappointed and exhausted.

I have trouble doing the housework, finish my study (teachter primary school), being kind and polite all the time.

I am just sick of and with it. Is this a process one goes through. And if yes, does it end soon, I cannot seem to find any peace and rest in my life, everything is just too much, even the simple things...

Please respond. I need your support. Thanks.

This is my first time iv ever even wrote on a site im 35 about to be 36 and have been virtually raising my 2 boys 8(has autism) and 9 by myself for the last 4 years.  This was never what I planned but I left an abuse relationship because i did not my boys to think it was o.k.  However i sometimes feel that i left one kind of prison for another.  my love for the boys is unmeasurable, but i always feel incomplete and islolated.  the guy i was seeing just called it quits today because i have too many responsibilities and the boys just saw their dad for the first time in 4 yrs along with their new siblings.  most days when i'm feeling down i tell my self to just go forward and give everything to god.  today i can't help it i feel like having a selfish pity party for myself.

peace to u all may the lord give u strength and grace to go forward.

I am also new to this website.  I am separating from my husband and feel completely exhausted and frustrated in the fact that I cannot find any suitable, affordable rentals in the area I live for myself and my son.  I went to an apartment office today that specializes in providing rentals based on 30% of one's income.  I'm a teacher (we all know that we don't make much money) and the amount they quoted me was almost half of my monthly income.  It's insane.  I also read on this website about a site called co-abode that helps single moms find one another and share homes/apartments.  Unfortunately, it costs $30.00 to sign up for this service.  HMMMM....struggling single mom's with no money .....shouldn't the service be free???

Hi all,

I've been a single mom for 9 years---I can assure all of you struggling with the day to day exhaustion of raising little ones and the trauma you feel at the beginning of finding yourself in this situation does get better.

What doesn't seem to get better---in my life at least---is the financial situation. I earned a degree while I was a single parent (worked 3 part-time jobs and took 15 hours some semesters), and now have a decent salary. But as my children are older, things get more expensive---car insurance, college, etc. I don't have health insurance for either of them--- we're right on the cusp of not qualifying for medicaid and I don't make enough to insure all three of us and pay all my bills.  It goes without saying that single parents are going to be stressed----emotionally, financially. I'm so glad to have found this website because it helps to see we're not alone at least. When we're only around married people who take vacations, have time to socialize, remodel their houses etc. ( and I still haven't been able to fix my water heater that has been red tagged for the last 10 years!---or the leaky faucets, or get the drain snaked for the washing machine so that it doesn't leak all over the floor every time we do laundry if we don't run in there and catch it!) ----sigh---it's all so exhausting. Anyway, when we're only around 2 income families who live a certain way, it can feel very lonely, or like we're doing something wrong, or don't have it together as much.

I find it very annoying when people look at me quizzically---questioning why I'm running around all the time---I feel like saying, "you do all of the work that both you and your spouse do right now, with half the income, and try to keep it all up, and see if you're not running around!"

Stay strong sisters! We can do it! I pray strength, and hope, and encouragement for all of you.

Take care,

Skyward

For Diane in Maryland---it sounds as if you're facing some type of discrimination. With your income, it seems like you should be able to repair your credit record if it's damaged somehow.  I'm not sure exactly who you should talk to, but maybe a lawyer that specializes in these areas.

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"How To Become Miss Right Not Miss Right Now," if you are a single woman that does not want to master christian dating, OR how to attract men.

I am a 31 yr. old single mother of 2 girls. I never married the father (thank goodness). I am the one stuck living with my parents since it was the safest place to go while he has a house of his own,a girlfriend/wife, and two new children with the new girl.

I am the responsible one that supports my girls while he is ordered to pay child support but gets away with not paying it. If I was the one not supporting my girls I would have social services on my but. Why can he get away with it!

I love my girls very much but can't stand the dad.

As I sit and read these stories, I can't help but become irritated and frustrated over the comments. Everyone of us has a story, and each one is difficult and painful in there own way. I understand that it is important to share your feelings, especially with people that can relate, but each new comment makes me more depressed. We need to be picking each other up, offering suggestions and  resources instead of wallowing in our pain. Everyone of you is amazing, lets turn our focus instead on being proud to be a single mom. I want to know something that made you proud or a positive goal you want to attain. Today, I was able to pay down one of my many credit cards.

Yes I am too a single mother of two children, ages 3 and soon to be 2. (14 months apart is insane). I  am soon to be 26 years old and to think that if I didnt have my children I could be living my dream. My ex husband gives me no support and has nothing to do with my children. I have lived a constant struggle day to day battling paying $60-$70 a day for sitting, working crazy hours, getting sued by creditors that have soley come after me, and have forgotten who I am. I cry myself to sleep not knowing how I am going to emotionally make it and try to keep happy for my kids. I live paycheck to paycheck and live off my bounce protecton which is always up to -$500 every two weeks. Going through my divorce after two years, the judge granted me no support for my kids because my ex husband was going through school! Where is the justice in that?? I have been totally robbed. Even going to try and get aide which has never been something I've been faced with I brought in all my bills, my bank statements showing how negative I am (this week -$760), and my case worker asked for a pay stub and looked at it then looked at me and said I'm sorry mahm there is nothing I can do you make too much. Justice right?? Many girls now a days have no idea that they just think Yea I can handle it! Wish I could just slap right across their face cuz they have no clue. I too did not want to be married nor have children. I was going through college to pusue my degree in criminal law and instead I fell in love with a false dream. Now I am paying for it every day when I wake up at 6a.m. to get myself and my two kids ready and out the house by 8a.m. I have no means to an end and I'm trying so hard not to have a emotional breakdown while my ex husband is living the single life and laughs in my face. There is no justice and no special help for single mothers. Its okay for our justice system to allow fathers to just walk away from their kids and not support them and god forbid you have a decent job, but you make too much to get any kind of support from the state. But I refuse to quit my job for I have worked too hard and too long, so I am employed to pay for a babysitter for the ten hours that I do work. Makes perfect sense huh???

Rebecca, I was 27 when I became a single parent of my two kids, ages 10 mos. and 2 years.  What you share reminds me so much of how I used to feel. How overwhelming it all is---- the only thing I can say is that now that my kids are older, it's not anywhere near as overwhelming. The saying that kids grow up so fast is not a cliche. They really do. It amazes me that what seems like yesterday, they were small, and now they're 19 and 20. It's easier to say this in retrospect---but really, as much as possible, in the midst of how overwhelming, unjust, and hard it all is, just try to enjoy your kids as much as you can. Sit and look at the sky together, even if for a few minutes. Let them play with bubbles in the sink, walk in the rain. . . there are a million fun things you can do together to enjoy life that don't cost anything. All your kids want more than anything is just you. I know that can feel totally overwhelming too, but remember, it really won't last forever. When my kids were small, I did in-home childcare and watched six children under the age of five for 12 hour days. I know how exhausting kids can be!  Ignore your ex husband who is laughing in your face. Don't give up your dreams, you can finish your degree later. . . it's not the end just because you had to quit for now.  I went back to school at age 32, (thank God for Pell grants!) and graduated summa *** laude, am a member of Phi Beta Kappa, and at age 43 finally began working as a writer (which I've always wanted to do). So hang in there! God cares, and so do I.

Stronger, I totally agree---I got frustrated reading all the comments too because it's all so disjointed. As if we're all in parallel universes, but nobody touching anyone else. We may be limited in some of the ways we can help each other, but hopefully we can offer emotional and mental support.  There is a place for wallowing in pain however, as well as picking each other up. Because one of the things we encounter a lot in the world is a lot of misunderstanding. So this is one of the safe places people can vent. Take care everyone.  

My name is Cheryl Lynn. I am a mother of two, 18 and 7. I'm always looking for great groups to be involved with.  I'm a Detroit parent. Consider Detroit Parent Network for additional resources

Not all mothers are female. I am a single male raising both of my children alone. Not a lot of help for us men. My wife , my love of my life and the mother of my two small children passed away in Oct. of 2006. I have no luck in the daing world. I am either too old , too short, or too ugly. lol Any suggestions? Thanks, Pat

Yea, I don't think there's any assumption that all single parents are female---just the majority. I'm very sorry about your loss. Your children are blessed to still have you. Don't know what to say about the dating, except that maybe it's highly over-rated?

Yea, I don't think there's any assumption that all single parents are female---just the majority. I'm very sorry about your loss. Your children are blessed to still have you. Don't know what to say about the dating, except that maybe it's highly over-rated?

I am a 44 year old single mom of an about to be one year old daughter.  Maybe I'm in the minority, but I don't mind being a single mom...the only part about it I hate is the lack of finances...  that is stressful!  I don't feel lonely for a man, but I guess the hardest part for me is having women friends to hang out with.  I have tons of friends, both single and married, but none with young babies like me - a lot of my friends are GRANDPARENTS for hell's sake!!  Any of the other parents with kids my daughter's age are old enough to be MY kids!!  I would love to have a playdate for my daughter and have someone to hang with myself..!  Oh well.  Anyone in the northern Colorado area in the same boat as me??