Chapter 1 When I was a sophmore at 16 I got pregnant. The father of my child was physically abusive. I let him beat on me for over a year. About a month after our baby was born I was holding my baby up on my shoulder. His father punched me in the mouth with this baby inches from where is fist landed. I always new I could live with anything I had to to survive, but I knew this little boy didn't deserve what I thought I deserved. That was the last time I was ever punched in the face. Chapter 2 I was a junior in high school when I moved out of my parents house. I met a man I dated until I graduated. My proudest achievement for myself is graduating high school with my graduating class and a 2 year old. We got married 6 months after I graduated when I was 18. This marriage was a my life and so was his drug problem. First just marijuana, then cocaine, crack, and oxycotin. After 13 years of marriage he finally landed himself in prison for 3 years. So at 31 years old I start Chapter 3. 4 months after he went to prison our home burned down. Not enough money from the insurance company to rebuild. The forclosure was final TODAY 8/5/08. 18 months into his sentence I am almost divorced, can you believe we have to fight over custody of the kids. I had to send our boys 16 & 17 to live with relatives. I couldn't afford to take care of them.The 17 year old was a neglect 9 yr old boy down the street that moved into our home for the next 8 years. These are my saddest days ever. Both are doing great and still love me. I just have to learn to live with what I did for the rest of my life. Now I only have two girls 4 and 10 years old. It is easier but still not possible. I decided today I need surrender our family dog of 10 years to a dog rescue, I have no money to take care of his medical needs. I have worked at one job since I was 22 for the last 12 years. At the end of the month I have $40 left after rent and power & light. I have given up the house, the boys, the dog and sold a chair yesterday to put gas in the car to get the girls to school for a week. I have been dedicated all my life. Dedicated to graduating, my babies, my marriage, my job and now I have to be dedicated to simply survive this and making enough money to keep the girls. I would die if I couldn't take care of them too. These are the years of tears for me. I cry everyday for not being able to keep my family together. I am praying for relief. I could have been poor and proud if only I hadn't had to give away 2 kids and now the dog to survive. I am one paycheck from homeless everyday. My 10 yr old and I went to the store with $10. We put back the body wash to get facewash, we put back the facewash for toothpaste. At the register we gave back the toothpaste because we didn't have enought. God I feel like a complete failure. I live on hope and am in serious need of a refill because mine is almost gone.